October 15, 2009
It has been a less than pleasant few weeks. We found out around 3 weeks ago now that our baby had no heartbeat anymore. After many tears, an emergency surgery, and a lot of asking why, life is going on. Each day gets a little easier, but things are still confusing why they happened this way.
The first few days, I was so discouraged and didn't even want to utter the word Christmas, let alone think about decorating this year. Then, I had my emergency surgery Saturday morning because I wasn't being able to miscarry on my own, and I lost too much blood. In the ER, in the middle of the night, I nearly died. It was the single most scariest moment of my entire life. It was a rough weekend, but I was home by Sunday, and had a realtization--- Yes, I had lost my baby and that was devastating. That alone should make me not want to even think about celebrating my favorite holiday in just 11 weeks. But, I quickly realized I had things to be thankful for. I had my family; my loving husband, parents, sister, and countless others who have cried and prayed with us and been there for us... And I still had my life. Something that was nearly lost. I had been given another chance. That in itself is enough to make me remember the real reason of Christmas, and why we celebrate it.
I still wish we were going to be having our baby in April, and will never understand why things happened the way they did. The one comfort I do have is that our baby is in Heaven, waiting for the day we will meet.
We always try to do projects each Christmas for families in need. This year I feel even more reason to do so. We decided tonight, we are going to send 16 childrens stockings to a missionary couple we know. They sold everything and moved to Mexico a few years ago to be missionaries. They are doing a wonderful work, and we want to be able to bless other peoples' children. These kids might not have a Christmas otherwise, and we feel like it is a way we can bless them. The picture above is the stockings we bought tonight online. I look forward to filling them over the next couple of weeks and sending them.
5 comments:
I am so, so sorry you lost your baby, Heth. Please give yourself time to heal, both mentally and physically.
I wish you love, strength, and healing energy. And a lot of stockings to send to Mexico!
Merry christmas wishes to your family from the entire team of dgreetings.
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Bless you. It is so painfully awful to lose a child. I am praying for you.
I was scanning the blogs and came across yours. I was shocked at the announcement of losing your baby so close to Christmas, but more concerned that you seem not to have connected since that date.
I hope that you are doing okay and have gotten past that daily grief. I can understand because about a month before my baby was due, they found that she was anencephalic and would probably not survive birth.
I had the feelings you mentioned. I didn't really care what happened to me or anyone. It took a month until one day, I realized that my other 5 children did need me and didn't understand what happened to Mommy.
If you still check this blog, please know that you are in my prayers and I hope that you are okay. It is so painful but you have your family to uphold you and as you said life goes on.
Hugs
Jackie in Texas
These stockings are really nice. Thanks for posting them.
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